Posted 3:59 AM by Robert
No matter what kind of mood I'm in, back-to-back episodes of "The Rockford Files" always cheer me up.

I've been thinking a lot lately. And I'm sick of it. Not because it hurts or anything semi-humorous like that, but because I don't have any answers. Allow me to list the items running laps in my head:

1) Choices. As you'll recall from my last post, I discussed the idea of regrets, and how it's difficult to know what choice we should make, because we're never sure of the outcome until it happens. Today, I watched the movie "Groundhog Day" in the cafeteria with a couple of friends. Truly a great movie. But that's not my point.

In the movie, Bill Murray plays Phil Connors, a sarcastic and bitter weatherman who goes to Punxsutawney, Pennsylvania, to cover the annual tradition of Punxsutawney Phil, a groundhog whose shadow will supposedly determine how much longer winter will last. However, he's forced to repeat the same day over and over and over and over . . . you get the idea.

Eventually, he knows everything that's going to happen, and when and where it will take place. As the same day continues, Phil uses this knowledge to help the people around him. He helps some old ladies change a tire, catches a boy who falls out of a tree, and feeds a homeless man, just to name a few things. The cycle is broken once he falls in love with his producer, Rita, played by Andie MacDowell.

What really struck me about the movie was that Phil had numerous chances to live the same day again and again, to make a different decision, to choose a better result. Basically, he got a do-over until he got it right. How many times do we wish we could relive a day just once and do something differently? I know I've been there. Of course, I know that's why I don't have that ability, and that's why I'm not God. If everything happens for a reason (as I believe it does), we can't go back and change something. It would alter the course of our lives, and allow us to choose something based solely on the outcome. As I've said before, the ends don't justify the means. We determine what we do by the way it relates to our set of core values and beliefs -- who we are -- not because the end result is nice and comfortable.

After sin came into the world, God didn't just give up and start over again. Yes, He did send a flood, but that didn't involve destroying the earth or recreating mankind. He didn't redesign the universe, He just cleansed what was already there. It's a rough analogy, but I think it works: God didn't throw out the fish tank because the water was dirty -- He just cleaned the water and fish that were in the tank. I hate to say that it was do-over, because that sounds like it was a mistake. Which it wasn't. God knew that we would sin, but we're His creation, and He loves us. He hates the sin, but He loves us anyway. So He gave us second chances, and third chances, and more chances than we deserve. The Flood wasn't a do-over, it wasn't Creation: Part II. It was another chance for us to get it right. Sending Christ into the world wasn't a do-over either, it was a chance for salvation. And what we do with it is our choice.

If we mess up, we don't get to repeat the event. We may get another chance to correct the situation, to rectify it, but that one moment in time is gone. All we can do is wait and hope for an opportunity to make things right. And that's all I have on this topic for now, but I feel like there's another idea waiting to be discovered.

2) Something doesn't feel right in my life, and I don't know what. Am I missing something? Someone? Is there something I should be doing? Something I'm forgetting? And why haven't I figured it out yet? I can't put my finger on it, but something seems to be missing, or out of place, or being done the wrong way. I don't know what it is, and I don't know what's wrong with it. Right now, it's just a vague, hazy feeling. I can only have faith that whatever it is will be resolved or revealed to me at the proper time, and that I'll know what to do when that happens.

3) Something feels different. In this case, it has to do with the girl. I'm kind of tired as referring to her as "the girl," but I haven't been able to bring myself to actually type her name.

I don't know what, but it doesn't seem like it was last semester. If there was some sort of attraction between us, some type of connection, it's not there. I think it's very possible that there was a faint connection I didn't notice until it was gone. She was also working at the last three basketball games, selling tickets and checking student IDs. And it just seems strange because she didn't do anything like that last semester.

In addition, she got her hair cut really short yesterday. Don't get me wrong, she's still hot, and I would still go out with her. Of course, that was never my primary reason for being attracted to her (or thinking that I am), just a nice bonus. To quote one of the professors here at LCC, the legendary Doc Henderson, "A good girl is like mashed potatoes, and good looks are just the gravy. The potatoes are already good without the gravy, but the gravy is also nice." It sounds strange, but it's true.

I know it sounds ridiculous for someone in my position to say, but things just seem different. I'm not saying that this "feeling" or her working at the basketball games or her haircut are in anyway related, or some sort of sign, or even important, for that matter. They all just seem to hint at the fact that something feels different, or changed. Maybe it's just me. Maybe I'm paranoid. Maybe I'm nuts. Maybe I'm an idiot.

I just I wish I knew what to do with all of this. Are the three things I listed connected? I don't know. I keep trying to pray about it, but no answer so far. I'm not giving up, just puzzled. Maybe I'm not praying about the right things. Maybe I'm not approaching this the right way. Maybe I'm not doing the things I'm supposed to be doing, even though I think I am. Whatever is going on my life, I just want to know what it is so I can do something about it -- hopefully the right thing.