Posted 6:29 AM by Robert
"Lord, I don't know where all this is going." -- Newsboys

I had a revelation Wednesday night. But I'm not going to tell you what it is yet. First, I'm going to comment on the sad state of affairs in our society. It's certainly saying something when a movie like "You Got Served" is number one in the nation, or when those new McDonald's commercials result in a 13% increase in sales.

My friend Will (you know who you are) called me other night just to say hi and to chat. It was much appreciated; I really enjoyed talking with him again. And the conversation was also somewhat useful and practical. He echoed a point that I had also been concerned with -- sometimes we tend to hide behind God and wait for a sign, like a burning bush or the literal Voice of God. In an earlier post, I mentioned that I wasn't waiting for a "big sign," just some sort of affirmation. However, I've come to realize that I was still incorrect in my thinking.

In my Dynamics of Personal Evangelism class, we've been reading a book called "The Ragamuffin Gospel," by Brennan Manning (if you like reading and have time, I would definitely suggest this title). The main subject of the book is accepting the grace of God, but there was one sentence that seemed to stand out to me: "The gospel of grace calls us to sing of the everyday mystery of intimacy with God instead of always seeking for miracles or visions." By itself, this doesn't say a lot, but it got me thinking in a different type of direction.

On Thursday, I heard a quote from E. Stanley Jones, who wrote a book, among others, called "A Song of Ascents." This is what it said: "Prayer is surrender -- surrender to the will of God and cooperation with that will. If I throw out a boat hook from a boat and catch hold of the shore and pull, do I pull the shore to me, or do I pull myself to the shore? Prayer is not pulling God to my will, but the aligning of my will to the will of God."

It didn't matter how big of a sign I was asking for, what mattered is that I was asking for a sign. I thought I wasn't putting God in a box, because I was being "flexible" with this affirmation. But what I was really doing was saying, "God, this is what I want you to tell me, just tell me when." I was trying to pull the shore to me. What I should have done was say, "God what do you want to tell me?" Instead of seeking a miracle or vision, I should have looked for intimacy with God. I've caught hold of the shore, now I just need to pull myself in and align my will with God's (I'd like to think that I'm on the right path -- I've already been corrected and realized my error).

I've wondered if the reason I'm wrestling with this is because I'm afraid. Perhaps the reason I wanted any type of sign is because deep down, I already know the answer, so I don't need a sign. Which means I won't get one. And if don't get one, I can satisfy that fear by not taking any action. Is that what I'm doing -- am I hiding behind God? I don't know, but finding that intimacy will lead me towards an answer.

I thought that not getting an answer to my earlier prayers was God's way of telling me to simply wait. I kept praying about it, and I was right to do that. But this whole idea of wanting an "affirmation" made me think that I should keep waiting. I wasn't being intentional with my prayers; I wasn't drawing close enough to God. I spent so much time looking for a specific purpose that I wasn't following my main purpose -- being near my Lord.

After all that, my revelation doesn't seem like much. If anything, this seems more like a revelation. However, I think of adjusting my prayer life as more of a re-alignment; a calibration, if you will. Anyway, this is what I realized Wednesday night:

I've mentioned in previous posts that there are more important things in life than wanting a girlfriend, or other similar desires. Instead of worrying about those things, I should be focused on God and what He wants. It's not that those are unimportant, they're just less important. But I had been going about this all wrong. I shouldn't have the approach that those things are less important. I should've realized that if God can do the big things, like heal sick people, move mountains (which He does, patitently and steadily), and forgive us for our sins, then He can easily handle the little things, like giving us the things that we want. He may not want us to have those things, but if He does, we shouldn't worry, because we know He'll take care of them.

So that's it for now. I need to go to bed. The truth is, I was planning on completing this four hours ago, but I ended up hanging out with a couple of the other guys in the dorm. We didn't do much, just played online games, and DDR (Dance Dance Revolution) on PlayStation 2. Let me put it this way: it's a good thing no one else saw us. But we had a good time just goofing around and staying up late, which made it all worthwhile. And now I really need to go. Fun earlier. Sleep now. Sleep later.