Posted 2:20 PM by Robert
"I hate Valentine's Day." The bitter words of a hopeless romantic. I'll explain further in a later post why I hate February 14.

I haven't updated this in a while, mainly because I haven't had much to talk about. But I wanted to update my blog before I went home for the weekend -- I have to get a new cell phone and a new plan, and I'll probably go see the movie "Miracle" with my mom. Besides, it's not like I'll miss anything here in Lincoln on Valentine's Day.

I've been trying to figure out if I really like this girl. I think one of the main reasons I was attracted to her was because it seemed like she might like me, which meant that she was showing me some attention. It wasn't much, but there were those little things, like a smile, or saying "Hey" when she walked past me. There was also a strange incident when I walked into the classroom and she said to me, "Robert, you're on time today. Good job." What made that so odd was that I was always on time for that class -- in fact, I usually showed up before her. And let's not forget the time she borrowed my pen for the IDS final.

It's not often that a girl pays attention to me. I mean, I don't overanalyze it when a girl says hi to me, but beyond that, I don't have a lot of contact with the opposite sex. So why did I like this girl in the first place? Was I attracted to her, or the possibility that a girl liked me? Do I want her or the attention? Honestly, I don't know.

This kind of leads back to the idea of "You'll never know unless you ask." I'll never know for sure if she'd go out with me unless I ask her. And I'll never if I like her unless I go out and spend time with her.

2 Timothy 1:7 says, "For God did not give us a spirit of timidity, but a spirit of power, of love and of self-discipline." I know God doesn't want me to be afraid to talk to a girl. And what really struck me was when I saw that passage of scripture translated in the The Living Bible. I can't remember how it was worded exactly, but I recall a part that said, "God does not want us to be afraid of people." Paul was writing about sharing our faith, but that still got me, because that's how I feel -- in a way, I'm afraid of this girl.

I know that the only practical thing for me to do is to talk with her, get to know her, and maybe ask her out later. But it's just not going to happen. We run in different crowds, we're not going to just run into each other on campus. It's up to me to seek her out and take some action, but I'm not going to do it. I know I should, and I want to, but I won't. It's not that I can't, I'm just not going to do it. I know you think I'm an idiot, and believe me, I know -- I'm the one that has to look at myself in the mirror everyday. I guess it's like Morpheus said in "Matrix: Reloaded" -- "Some things never change, and some things do." I have no good argument for this, it's just who I am.