Posted 1:47 AM by Robert
Here I am, Monday night (technically, it's Tuesday morning, but whatever), finally updating my blog. My last final was today, and as of 10 AM, I have finished my first semester at Lincoln Christian College. Two semesters of college under my belt, and only seven more to go. If that doesn't seem long enough, I need only remind myself that I'm on pace graduate in May of 2007. So much life yet to be lived . . .

My beloved Eagles won their ninth game in row, defeating the Miami Dolphins 34-27 on Monday Night Football. Between that and finishing finals, I'm in a pretty good mood.

Just in case anybody is stalking me, here's my schedule for the next couple of days. I'll spend Tuesday doing wash, packing, and tying up any loose ends around here, and Wednesday I'll make the two-hour trip back to Naperville. You probably think I'm nuts for staying at school an extra two days, but I've got my reasons. And let me tell you, they're quite pathetic reasons.

You may recall my "essay" back on Thursday about how we as humans cannot justify the emotion of love. Actually, we can, but I don't believe that we can fully appreciate it unless God is in the picture. Anyway, I feel like I need to add to it. My point is this: what attracts us to others?

I'm not sure that love at first sight is possible. How can we establish a connection just by looking at a person? How can I justify being attracted to a girl when the total time of our conversations and interactions is only five minutes? I can know things about her, but how can I know her. I may think that I'm attracted to her, but what determines if those feelings are real and legitimate? Is it the lump in my throat or butterflies in my stomach everytime I see her? Is it that certain feeling I get just by seeing her name on a piece of paper? All I know is that I want to know, to explore these feelings, for lack of a better term. Just a couple hours, a conversation, an experience.

So what makes me think that I might be attracted to someone? What happens when a connection is established on any level? What makes us say, "I'm head over heels for her," or, "Once I get to know her, I'm probably going to be head over heels"? Of course, there are certain qualities we look for in a mate, but there is so much more involved. Some call it chemistry. My roommate calls it the "It-Factor." Whatever it is, it's there. We can try to suppress it, make ourselves believe it's not real, and thus avoid any possible heartache. But the more we deny it, the more it screams to be heard and felt. I can tell myself that "it's better to be single," or, "I'm married to the Lord." I can reason that there are people dealing with diseases and circumstances far worse than loneliness, but it's still there, pulling on my heart, refusing to go away.

So why am I still here in Lincoln? Mainly because I feel like relaxing and hanging around with my friends, but there's definitely a third reason. It's that hope that maybe I'll see her somewhere, while I'm checking my mail, or maybe during lunch. It's the hope that I'll just get a chance to say hi, to ask her what she's doing for Christmas, to let her borrow a pen or pencil. Will it happen? Probably not, but I can't be sure. And telling a girl that you have a junior high-crush on her the day before going home isn't a great scenario. But the chance of seeing her, maybe telling her how you feel (or how you think you feel) far outweighs the certainty that you won't see her again for over a month. The only thing worse than being separated from someone physically is being separated emotionally.

I can think of no better way to close this entry than with the words of Jakob Dylan and The Wallflowers, in their song, "Closer to You":

You know there's nowhere else I wanted to be
Than be there when you needed me.
I'm sorry too but don't give up on me
And just remember than when you were asleep,
I got a little bit closer to you.